Benedick Starts to Write

Walking my way home…

I wonder if this day is another loss, if time was wisely spent. i can only ponder if such things my lecturers proposition struck my head, if their words was true, binding and in do

[May 28, 2007 | Morning]

A car stopped in front of our rented apartment, my cousin came to the living room shouting words i can’t make out, Machang darted straight to his grandmother shaking his lola’s hand so wildly and pointing to the direction of the door. It’s late and the Japanese boy just woke me up, weird enough, instead of asking him what happened. instinct walked me through the front door and behold. a 6 foot plus man just came down the car, oh its just an American fellow visiting the Philippines, hey that’s my mom at the other side of the car. What! is that guy my future father, like Machang though i didn’t shout like there’s no tomorrow, retraced my steps back and my Lola and Auntie’s look with asking smiles. They came , i mean my mom and future dad came to the door and thing came quite a bit fast and some people got stunned when dad spoke his first words (or am i not listening coz they we’re really the first thing i heard from him) "before anything happens in front of the family, (he kneeled) Vicky will you marry me. (his outstretched hand carries a jeweled ring)", Auntie Naida cried, Auntie Nelly cried mom’s shocked and what am i supposed to do?.

Whoa it’s 3:42 AM (May 14, 2007), dreamed of the first time i met my Dad Scott and just made me remember to always remind my mom not to wear sexy, see through clothes.

[May 14, 2007 | 3:42 AM]

In each one’s lifetime, each individual no matter how unique each one is, finds someone who will be so treasured, loved and cared for, and there will also be someone who would find us most precious than glittering gold. No I’m not talking the love of your life or our never ending fantasies searching for a mate.

I’m referring to one’s best friend, since my youngest years I’ve forged only a few camaraderie, made few so-called friends. I’m not a purely solitary guy, i like the fame, the feeling of grandiose, the feeling of security when your inside a social circle. i also found it enjoyable whenever some greets you on the city center and you exchange words like "hello’s", "how’re you’s" and the likes. but i seldom loved the whole barging on, gimmicks, outings and drinking. I made few friends, real friends mind you and our covenant is not sealed with liquor but by unspoken words and blood.

Alan was the great sketcher of different brands of shoes the first time i met him, he even designs his own future shoes, large mature looking was his frequent description, and there was Evan, the guy who said he punched me in the face before we been friends. These two persons have been my only friends for decades. even my angel got jealous of the two.

Michelle my recent found bond has been very supportive and caring, this lady with all her childish dancing antics makes me laugh all the time, she had the koreana look whenever she runs towards me smiling. she calls me her nonoi by the way, I’ve tagged her boshing in return. Michelle was not an ordinary person or our relationship the usual stuff. ive been hurting her for the past year though she seldom tells, she would get mad whenever i get myself to fail, she even throwed my first beer, got so furious, she cried and brought me back to my senses. Michelle was my girlfriend and girl-friend.

by this day i made  my millionth acquaintance, my thousandth friend, and expressed  my uncountable social smiles unfortunately yet I am very proud of it i have only three real friends, most precious than gold.

[May 5, 2007 | Evening]

For an angel i met 6 years ago i bid you farewell.

Goodbye’s are meant to be the loneliest word people speak, but in these days when departures and alohas are rampant, spoken as casual words. Its easy to ponder if they have lost their real meaning of empathy, if their value which is far more genuine than gold rusted with age, and the soothing emotions embedded in each syllables gone in eternity. And how would one cherish their final moments when time itself is against it. Does a few characters inscribed in each hearts, each promises be enough to remember such past.

My angel not of light nor of darkness. Goodbye may not be the best words i can say on your departure, i am not there to tell it, or would i muster enough strength to utter such words of sorrow, acceptance is one and other one the most painful one. Letting you go though was surely was not once in a lifetime.

i wrote these two three most common words "I LOVE YOU" and "I NEED YOU" as my goodbye’s in silence, and drenched in dry tears.

for it all started as an act of kindness which led to

Sat, 6 May 2006 10:19:16 +0800 Ben,pwd kbng mkita ngaun?alm q kal0kohn i2.pr0 gus2 lng tlga ktang mkita.

And when feeling went to bliss and love was at its peak

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 04:03:15 -0700 Hon, Nagaalala ko,pero po ok lang.Naiiintindihan ko si mama kong bakit ganon ang reaksiyon niya,natural po sa ina ang magalit dahil sa ganoong rason kong ako din sa kalagayan niya ganon din po ang magiging reaksiyon ko,kaya sana magusap kayo ng maayos para magkaintindihan kayo hindi ganyan iniiwasan mo siya,at wag kang makipag away sa kanila.ayaw na ayaw kong nakikipag away sa kanila lalong lalo na sa mga magulang mo,kay mama.irespeto mo sila dahil kong hindi dahil sa kanila wala ka,hindi dahil sa kanila wala tayo hindi sana tayo nagkakilala.kahit anong galit mo sa kanila at kahit galit sila sayo still dapat andon parin ang respeto mo sa kanila dahil magulang mo sila,lalong lalo na kay mama mahal mo siya diba?hon,wag mo siyang bigyan ng problema pwede po ba sana maintindihan mo siya,intindihn mo siya dahil mahirap sa kanya ang ganitong sitwasyon malayo sa inyo.mahal na mahal kita hon,andito lang ako ako karamay mo sa kahit ano mang bagay.ok po ba?drama ko no.love you po. Love you very much –len

To the unhappy ending we’ve been through, now i realized. It’s hard to do your all when all you want is some space.

and finally I forgive you sincerely my angel. i am grateful for all the colors you have brought me, taught me, showed me. It proves that I’m not yet a man but still growing up to be one… i love you one last time.

[May 4, 2007 | Morning]