Benedick Starts to Write

I have felt the familiar sting once again which i learned to control not to show. I usually feel this when i am significantly attracted to a woman, this time it’s different. Truly, she was mine for a time, i was younger back then and hormones are difficult to pacify, a choice between passion to choose only one, morally to choose only one, she was a budding lady and i simply couldn’t wait, temptations are really strong and too weak to resist.

I remember her running towards me, smiling, the look in her face , those pseudo-chinita eyes, the expressions which i remember truly, she was beautifully magnificent i could not forget. Though my feelings was not of lovers at the time, and recovering from recent wounds, made me happy.

We are friends, best friends so i say, i make sure to repeat it endlessly to remind her that she’s one. In truth i feel more than being such, never stop telling myself that we are only friends, should only be friends. Seeing her rarely, calling her a few times makes me want more, but no, barging in and exposing myself is not an option, it is simply plain wrong and the only thing preventing from possibly hurting her again. I held her in high regard, the outmost respect. I want to see her childish antics, the dance moves, and her most intimate affections, pure and innocent, budding and beautiful never for the taking.

i kept her notes, her letters, her joy, love, anger and sorrow, memorabilia’s to remind me that i have hurt a person who does not deserve to be hurt, i cannot bring myself to leave her completely. To see her heal, to see her again as I’ve seen her first, the responsibility to make sure she does not follow my path is strong, for her not to plunge in despair, to move on at least. “Go away, stay away from me, you monster” but i can’t i want to be sure that you are ok. You have done so much for me, even hurting you, you still cared for me, you have been my savior.

she forgave me or so she says? i stayed a short distance masking emotions of a friend, but its love i hide, true love, but not the love of lovers, it is beyond that yet simply love. It is not the flesh or any a gift in return, but for you at the best you can be.

Alas, cursed like the king with golden hands, everything to touch and hold dear go astray as if its destroyer, shocked seeing her cry, the confessions, why, lord, why her? those words she said i know them clear, i know them well, a long time ago.

I wanted you to become complete, for i have lost who/what made me complete, and the guilt i felt, my sin when you shattered. Let me stay this short step away from you, to see you as i had seen you first.

[Early June 2009 | Going back home with a heavy heart]

Ever heard the likes of Friendster, Facebook and MySpace? No, then it’s time to get out of that cave without an internet connection where you are living and embrace the future of human social interactions.

The once called information superhighway no longer serves a singular purpose of giving out only one-way information. Imagine a typewriter capable of transmitting your word throughout the world and what’s the beauty in it you don’t need to hook up your old TV’s to receive feedback’s or critiques but plain good old paper is enough (unfortunately images and video streaming is not yet supported although ASCII art is still under development).

Friendster is a popular social network here in the Philippines where a majority of computer users post pictures, send messages and catch-up with friends.

And this is not a proper blog post. I’ve been testing Windows Live Writer if it suits me, so far so good.